Howdy. It's been quite some time since my last entry. I don't want to say I will definitely be doing these more frequently, but I really want to do these more frequently. I feel the therapy of exposing myself (snicker) is worth the time writing and more importantly, the introspection...
I've already written this opening paragraph 3 times. Introspection is less effective with an agenda...
So, as Chicago's You're the Inspiration comes on Spotify, I'll relax and say what comes up.
Some of you may know, my wife and I have been living apart for going on 2 months now. It started about 6 months ago, when through prayer and much inner-dialogue, I came to the realization that we were not where we supposed to be. [Cue John Mayer's Shadow Days] San Antonio was a forced move on our part. Kasia needed a superior insurance plan for her diabetes, and she knew where she cold get it. She got a job extremely fast, and I was stuck looking, but living in a different city. After over 6 months, I secured employment, and we were reuinted in the Alamo City. Life has been one constant change for us since our arrival. [Something Corporate's I Woke Up in a Car] We've moved 4 times in less than 4 years, taken vacations, gained weight, lost it back (Kasia has lost far more than I) and basically lived an unenthusiastic life. Sure, we had things we definitely put our all into, but as a whole, we were living a rough existence. So, I explained my feelings to Kasia who told me she felt the same way. [Coldplay's Christmas Lights] We set out to find a place to journey to, settling on at least 5 citites (Portland, OR, Seattle, WA, Baltimore, MD, Raleigh, NC, and Boston, MA.) Boston and Baltimore were eliminated first; Too cold and too dangerous. Raleigh was next, for no real reason to tell you the truth. The Pac NW was calling our surname so loud. [FUN.'s We Are Young] We started applying for jobs like crazy. We'd get a little nibble here and there, but nothing concrete. One afternoon Kasia texted me upset about a rejection email she'd received. After work, I found out the full story as the email was an actual response from a Portland-area accounting firm. They told her they would love to speak with her about a position, but only after she relocated. They made it abundantly clear that it was by no means a guarantee they would hire her, only that they would consider her more seriously if she weren't 2100 miles away. She was bordering on tears as she questioned if we'd made the right decision. I realized at that moment that I was leading my family into the exact same predicament we were currently in. I explained to her what I was feeling. We hadn't sought God's guidance in it. We had been forcing our own finite ideas and dreams on an infinite God. It was frustrating to think through my own thought process and realize what had transpired. [Lady Danville's Sophie Roux]
That's where the point of the story lies. I have been convicted lately that my own will is superior to that of my Creator's. I've been tiptoeing through life dreaming small and praying that His plan would conform to mine. [The Wombats' Jump Into The Fog] Kasia is now in a different city in a job that called her. I'm working on a position that would be an amazing place to utilize my strengths and improve on my weaknesses. The difference is, we're running full speed into something we didn't plan. We prayed to be a part of a plan that is larger than what we can see, and it is happening. [Weezer's Say It Ain't So]
I guess the reason I wrote this, other than the free counseling session, is in hopes that someone who reads this is/will/has dealt with this feeling/state of being and receives encouragement from it. I have made alot of new friends, some much closer than others, over the past year through new pursuits . I realize that many of you don't share the same viewpoints as I, and I'm perfectly fine with that. Know that I love you for who you are. That's it. No qualification-- gender, color, race, politcal leanings, sexual orientation, or any other ideals you hold. If I'm worth my salt, I should be able to tell you what I'm about and love you as I believe Christ does. [Oasis' Don't Look Back in Anger] If you're one of the people I've been blessed to know deeper over this last season of life, thank you for broadening my horizons and living life with me.
I think I've said enough for now. if you have questions about this, ask me. I treasure discussion.
Thanks for reading, Interwebz.
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